“Do you want to watch some telly?”
Do I want to watch some telly? Are you for real? No!!! I have been staring mindlessly into the telly from the time the baby went to bed 45 minutes ago. While you were at the computer, upstairs. I am knackered, I still have this bloody cough plus a headache and I know she’ll be up before 7 in the morning so if you don’t mind I will go to bed.
I didn’t say it that way though – that’s not me. Instead I just sarcastically said “no, I’ve been watching telly all evening. I am going to bed now.” So off I went feeling guilty because I couldn’t shake off the disappointed look in his eyes. I made my situation worse by also checking my calendar for the next day. The first call today was at 9am with Shanghai and Kuala Lumpur, the last will be at 8pm with Omaha and San Francisco. Most of the afternoon is back to back. That means I have to finish one meeting earlier in order to get home, feed Lily, put her into bed and hopefully be ready by 8pm to take the last call.
My friend Verena hit the nail on the head a couple of weeks ago boiling it down like this: I am 50% mother, 40% employee, 4% cleaner, 3% cook, 2% wife and 1% me.
As it stands I have no balance. I am spreading myself too thin into too many directions trying to be too many things at the same time. By now I have also realized that changing my hair didn’t get me very far. I have decided this morning I will need to change my attitude and my priorities otherwise I will develop health issues or run my relationship into the ground. I have started a daily list of things that will help me to accomplish change. I will take it one day at a time facing my fears and worries removing obstacles from my life. I have my first 10 days mapped out with a slot open for change on Wednesday, May 13.